An idea golf fans should get behind

Golf Betting Lines

04/20/2009 - Philadelphia, PA (Sportsbook Betting Lines) - We'll call it a T.E.E. Party.

The Total Elimination of Entertainers from professional golf tournaments.

This new movement of ours will involve picket signs, slogans, phone calls to congressmen, op-ed pieces, sponsorship by golf pundits, original protest songs, a couple of well-paid lobbyists and, of course, portable toilets.

It deserves our best effort. And we deserve a place to relieve ourselves.

You must pay attention. You simply must focus, because those who seek to quash this movement will pounce quickly. We must be swift and relentless; we must move with the agility of Camilo Villegas.

The time has come for golf fans to get behind an idea.

The time has come -- good God, at last the time has come! -- to finally rid ourselves of Pro-Ams.

Yes, the time has come to admit that Bill Murray's schtick on the golf course is older than St. Andrews; to admit that we don't enjoy knowing George Lopez's scrambling stats any more than we care to watch his television show; to realize that what should be most important to us is the professional product on the course.

Let me paint you a picture.

It's Sunday, about 1:20 p.m. (et). Jay Haas has a 15-foot birdie putt for sole possession of the lead at the Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am. Nick Price's scorecard is more colorful than Joseph's dreamcoat, and it looks like Haas may pick up his first win of the Champions Tour season.

But before Haas can take his putt on the TPC of Tampa Bay's 13th hole, he must first watch as Emmitt Smith lines up a 10-footer, misses it, then repeatedly smacks himself on the back of the head.

Haas finally gets his shot, and he too misses.

He finished sixth. Price won.

I ask you this: In what alternate universe are we living that a golfer competing for a paycheck and a small sliver of history, must wait to play while the NFL's all-time leading rusher lines up a bogey putt?

Another scene.

Joey Sindelar and Jeff Sluman, both within six or seven shots of the lead -- not in the mix, but hovering around par -- are grouped in a foursome that includes Murray, who's apparently on fire.

It appears the popular comedian (Full Disclosure: My own fandom is undeniable and rabid) has added a new bit to his Pro-Am repertoire. He places money in the cup before each player takes his turn.

Yikes. But it doesn't stop there. Perhaps not fully satisfied with the gallery's response to his OK-for-a-Sunday-outing-but-out-of-place-at-a-real- golf-tournament antics, Murray unveils his impression of Villegas' famous "Spiderman" crouch.

Two skits on one green, and it wasn't even a record for Murray.

Let me be clear: There is no amount of mugging for the camera that Murray can do that will ever get me to laugh at him on a golf course again.

He can throw sand at the camera one more time; drop his putter and feign cockiness one more time; throw his golf ball over the stands after hinting that he would throw it into the crowd one more time; flex his fifty-something biceps one more time; wear one more funny hat; put on one more funny pair of glasses -- I'm simply done with Murray on the golf course.

Except, of course, during one of the dozen or so times I watch Caddyshack every year.

How did it come to this? When did these Pro-Ams morph from an interesting idea to get fans and charities involved in golf tournaments, into bad re-runs of mediocre sit-coms?

"Hey, jerk, weren't you the one who defended Inge Hammond's claim that Justin Timberlake was one of the best things to happen to the PGA Tour since Tiger Woods?"

Yes, that was me. But when was that, last October? That's like a whole presidency ago. Time heals all wounds, they say. But then there's that other saying: Time wounds all heels. Irrelevant and confusing? Diversion complete.

It does raise an interesting point. We'll call it the Timberlake Corollary. These Pro-Ams have a knack for raising money and awareness for noble causes, and that shouldn't be ignored.

Murray and Lopez, among many others, should be commended for their dedication in that respect.

But, please, let us then keep these Pro-Ams where they belong -- on Wednesday, before the real tournament begins. If the entertainers and athletes would like to stick around (schtick around) for the weekend, let them walk in the gallery, work in hospitality tents, sign autographs.

It would be enough to keep the crowds coming, the money flowing.

There's just simply no compelling reason, no justification, for having these men and women play in actual rounds with actual professional golfers anymore -- and certainly not during a final round like what occurred Sunday on the Champions Tour.

How absurd would it be if, during some Super Bowl in the '90s, Haas walked onto the gridiron and kicked a field goal while Smith's Dallas Cowboys were huddled for a fourth-down conversion?

There are ample reasons to put an end to the antiseptic entertainment that has come to define these distracting Pro-Ams, and few reasons to keep them around.

On Friday, Murray almost killed a woman when he hooked his drive badly out-of- bounds and into her front yard, striking her.

So it seems the Pro-Am has given us another reason to work for its repeal.

It's literally dangerous.